Beautifully Broken

I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior about a year and a half ago—truly the best decision I’ve ever made. But I quickly learned that following Jesus doesn’t make life magically easier. After 42 years of living in a world full of shiny distractions—money, success, clothes, cars, and the “it’s your life, do what you want” mindset—I began to see how empty it all really was. Everything the world offered me was a lie.

I also have a past, and it loves to show up at the worst times. People say “the past is the past,” but when others keep reminding you of who you used to be, it doesn’t always feel that way. Sometimes I ask myself, Am I a fraud? I write about Jesus, yet the enemy whispers, “Look at your life, Jane. Look at your marriage.”

As I write this, I’m sitting in a dimly lit room with Lauren Daigle playing softly, trying to calm my heart. Dallas and I have been married only 10 months, and the spiritual attacks have been intense. The fighting has gotten worse, not better, and at first I didn’t understand why. But now I do. The closer you get to God, the harder the enemy fights. Satan hates covenants—he always has.

Sometimes I feel like “Jane is still Jane”—the attitude, the pride, the quick tongue. But then people tell me they do see change. Sanctification takes time. Some grow fast, some slow, and I’m definitely the slow-but-determined kind. In counseling today, my spiritual father Don reminded me of King David. He was far from perfect, yet he was called a man after God’s own heart. David sinned big, repented big, and loved God deeply. If God can redeem a king, He can redeem me too.

Even as I wait for God to mend the broken places in my marriage and in my heart, I know that it’s in God’s hands, not mine. My job is simple: pray, stand firm, obey, and keep sharing Jesus. I am beautifully broken—not because I’m perfect, but because God is perfect in me. He has my story written. He has my marriage in His hands. He’s not done with me yet.

And finally, I am going to stand firm in my faith, no matter what is thrown at me.
 “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.” — 1 Corinthians 16:13

 God Bless

Jane 


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